Anger Management Workbook

Anger Busting Workbook

Page 130

Practically all victims of physical abuse report troubling instances of emotional or psychological abuse. In one survey of 234 abuse victims, 98 percent reported emotional abuse and 72 percent agreed that the affects were even more damaging than the physical abuse.

What is WRONG with this picture?

One of the most widely debated topics in the study of family violence is the question of why so many women stay in such bad relationships. It is clear that it cannot be dismissed as a function of education or socio-economic status. Rates of abuse for women who are college educated, with house-hold incomes of $100,000+ are just the same as for women without a high school diploma living in households making less than $30,000 a year. Some may be too afraid to leave. Others may not have the kind of outside support system to help them leave. Many women stay for the sake of the children, or because they still love the good parts of their husbands, even though they hate the bad parts. Many women become numb to the violence and the anger, even though they hate it. They learn to tiptoe around it and survive it so staying ends up seeming like the best of a lot of bad options. Then there are some, like Megan in our story, who have tried so hard for so long to make it work that they just won't allow themselves to wake up, give up, and walk out. Their fear of failure is too high.

ASSESS Your Current Relationship

Perhaps the one thing all of these women have in common is being confused about when to stay and when to leave. Is it possible for an abused woman to tell when it is too dangerous to stay another minute? How do you know when to keep working on your marriage and when to start working on a divorce? If you are wrestling with these questions right now regarding the angry man in your life, and especially if someone else gave you this book because they are concerned about what you are going through (even though you are still hanging in there), then a good place to start is by filling out this questionnaire.

Reality Check For Women Living With Angry Men

Answer each question by circling either yes or no. If you are not sure, or if it doesn't apply to you, just leave it blank.

Yes No Do you have arguments in which your partner becomes loud, angry, aggressive, and threatening?

Yes No Does your husband often blame or criticize you?

Yes No Does he complain often about the way you look, dress, cook, keep house, or raise the kids?

Yes No Does he make cruel jokes about you or use sarcastic, cutting remarks when talking to you or about you?

Yes No Does he criticize you in front of friends?

Yes No Does he generally have a short fuse, one moment seeming fairly normal and then, with very little provocation, over-reacting with an extreme, hostile outburst?