Free Anger Management Training Courses | Anger Therapist Online Course Anger Management Seminars | Anger Management Classes | Court Ordered Anger Management Classes | Online Anger Management Classes | Anger Management Help | Anger Management Training | Anger Management Therapy

Anger Management Workbook

Anger Busting Workbook

Page 151

Liza: Finally, I have decided that if you don't begin counseling immediately, I will immediately take the kids and go stay with my folks. I will apply for a protective order that will require you to move out of the house and prohibit you from contacting us. If you still make no effort to deal with your anger, I will file for divorce. I don't want to, but I will. I have already talked to a lawyer. Please take this seriously, because I am serious.

With that closing warning, she was through. With a calm demeanor that belied the collage of surging emotions she felt in her stomach, she quickly got up and left the room. By the time Dan could recover enough from the shock to shout at her, Liza, what the hell do you think you are doing? She was gone. She had arranged for Julie to be waiting to pick her up and drive her home. She had already started packing. What she did now would be determined in the next few minutes. Her therapist would call her and give her a report. In the meantime, she would just sit by the phone and wait.

Therapist: Okay, Dan. Now is your chance to respond. What are you going to do next?

Why don't we at least take a look at this list?

Can I Really Change Him?

How many psychotherapists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the light bulb has to really want to change.

This old joke points out a basic principle of most counseling models that says you can't tell people what to do, you can only help them find out what they really want to do and then help them get there. Because of this, a lot of women believe erroneously that there is nothing they can do to get their husbands to change. This is simply not true. Sure, you can't wave a magic wand and cause him to instantly become a completely different human being. But it is very possible to motivate him to want to change, or at least to be willing to change. That's what this chapter is all about.

Most Pit Bulls are terrified of separation. They are emotionally dependent on their wives.
The real, serious, unrelenting threat of separation will very often provide the motivation that he needs to finally face his problem and work to change it. But if you want to go there, you have to know how to play the game.

The Rules of the Game

Rageaholics are great at playing games. They excel at manipulation and intimidation.

They can make you laugh; they can make you cry; they can scare you to death; and they are ready to use physical force if necessary in order to get what they want. Their goal is to control the women in their lives, and they play to win. Sometimes those women decide two can play that game, but whenever they try, they hardly ever win. Their attempts to threaten and intimidate usually fail for one simple reason: they aren't willing to play the game to win.

It is not unusual for women who are married to anger addicts to threaten to leave, or threaten divorce. Sometimes they will call the police, and often they will apply for protective orders.

Sometimes they will take the kids and move into a shelter. As a result, many of the men in these relationships begin to soften and repent; they make promises and some might even go to counseling.