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Anger Management Workbook

Anger Busting Workbook

Page 16

Bullies are Selfish and Self-Centered

trying to get loose, well, that really makes you mad. So you slap her across the mouth and throw her down on the floor. You would kick her, too, except that she rolls over and slides out the door before you can catch her.

And all the time you are telling yourself it is her fault; she deserves whatever she gets. You make her the scapegoat who gets all the blame for your mistakes. You tell yourself, if she hadn't spent so much money on clothes for the kids, you wouldn't have bounced that check. And if she would have just listened to you instead of mouthing off while you were trying to straighten her out about it, you wouldn't have called her all of those names. And if she hadn't tried to run away from you while you were talking to her, you wouldn't have had to grab her. And if she hadn't shoved you, you wouldn't have had to hit her. So the fact that she now has a black eye, a cut lip, a sprained shoulder and a knot the size of a walnut on the back of her head is because she spent too much money on school clothes! Are you kidding me? Or are you kidding yourself? You have just waded out into the middle of the De-Nial River up to your eyebrows, practically drowning in your own excuses. And everybody knows it, except for you!

And then, to make matters even worse, when it's all over and the damage has been done, you try to pretend that it wasn't that big a deal in the first place. "What is everyone staring at, we just had a fight, that's all! Can't people have a disagreement every once in a while without you people making a federal case out of it? Sound familiar?

Look, everyone around you is staring because they are emotionally battered and bleeding. They saw what happened, they experienced the full force of your rage, and they can see you for what you really are  an out-of-control anger addict who refuses to take responsibility for his own actions. But you avoid facing your problem. That blind spot is trying to protect you from yourself.

The Blind Spot is there for a reason. If you ever took a long, hard look at yourself in the mirror you might be shocked at what you saw staring back at you. It is too ugly and too embarrassing; perhaps it's better to just keep your eyes closed and hope nobody notices. Oops! Too late for that, I bet. Aren't you reading this book right now because your wife has told you to change now or she is going to leave you? Maybe you are reading this book because a judge has ordered you into anger management training or go to jail, or never get unsupervised visitation to see your kids again. Yeah, the secret's out. You might as well suck it up, take a deep breath, and get eye-ball to eye-ball with the man in the mirror. At this point he is your worst nightmare. He is also your only hope.

Go ahead; take a look.

What do you really see?

Let's just say it in plain English  the guy staring back at you from that mirror is nothing more than an old-fashioned BULLY. A bully is someone who keeps doing or saying certain things in order to have power over another person. A bully creates an atmosphere of fear, intimidation and anxiety usually through outbursts of rage, name-calling, criticism, cruel humor and unpleasant physical contact  to break down another person's ability to stop him from getting what he wants. Bullies are selfish and self-centered on the outside, but usually very insecure and afraid on the inside. The fearful and insecure part of a bully would qualify for the lower right hand pane in the