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Anger Management Workbook

Anger Busting Workbook

Page 19

Domestic Violence: You Can Change Right Now

You can change right now.

Pause for a moment and let those words sink in.

If you are holding this book in your hands, it is almost certainly because someone in your life - your wife, your kids, your therapist, your boss or perhaps a judge - has made it abundantly clear to you that you have to do something about your outbursts of rage, and you have to do it now!

Of course, this is not news to you; most likely, people have been telling you this for years. However, up to this very moment, you have been willing to settle for other options. For a while you could smooth things over by just apologizing and promising it would never happen again, and then sweeten the deal with flowers and a night on the town, or a new dress or, if your behavior was especially dreadful, maybe a cruise or a new car! But you can only make and break so many promises before people begin to suspect that you are just playing them; eventually, the stakes get higher and the pressure to actually change gets heavier.

Finally, you probably even agreed to get counseling, where usually one of two things happens. Very often, after about three sessions, you and your wife are yelling at each other even more because now she expects you to suddenly be Mr. Charming and see things her way all the time; nobody even gives you credit for showing up at these annoying sessions in the first place. You are very relieved when your wife, and the counselor, decide you shouldn't come back. On the other hand, sometimes counseling isn't so bad, especially if you get one of those "nice" therapists who lets you talk about what a terrible life you had growing up; one who seems to agree with you that your boss is completely unreasonable, your kids are ungrateful and your wife doesn't appreciate everything you go through to take care of everyone. Talking to this kind of therapist isn't so bad. Maybe you even start to feel safe and open up a little bit. You get in touch with some of your emotions and decide to work harder at doing better. Which would be great if you could live your whole life at the therapist's office, but eventually you have to go home. Once you get back