Anger Management Workbook

Anger Busting Workbook

Page 194

• For members to see that sometimes you can win by losing. They can learn to
  lose without suffering humiliation. B = Believe
• For members to learn to get their ego out of arguments by learning to say the
  words “You are right. I am sorry. I was wrong” convincingly, without experiencing
  humiliation and shame. C = Communicate

METHOD FOR INVOLUNTARY ANGER MANAGEMENT GROUPS:

Awareness and Impulse Control are not learned in a textbook. The best way to improve
anger control is through awareness, i.e., by becoming aware of how the anger process works, and then by abstaining from the expression of anger. Most of the people in the groups have used up their right to express their anger for the rest of their lives. They have abused the privilege and need to turn in the privilege.
Many therapists suffer from depression, low self-esteem and the inability to express anger.

They have gone to therapy to learn to get in touch with their anger, express it appropriately and ask for what they want.

If that is your history, do not project your personality on anger addicts!

Rest assured of this: anger addicts are different. Their problem is not the same as your
problem. Anger addicts have never had a problem standing up for their “rights” or “expressing themselves.” Most of them have had a life-long problem shutting up, as well as a life-long problem of thinking they are entitled to have their way. Most of the people in your anger management group will be narcissistic, selfish, self-centered and self-absorbed with a streak of anti-social personality disorder. Anger addicts have narcissistic personality disorders, with poor impulse control. Angry men consistently test higher than average on self-esteem.

If you are going to lead an effective group, burn the following set of goals into your
brain:

What My Goal Is NOT:

• My goal is not to be nice to these clients, to make up for the mean treatment they
  received as children.
• My goal is not to avoid making them angry with me.
• My goal is not to “work through” their issues.
• My goal is not to increase their awareness of their sexism.
• My goal is not to help them get in touch with their other feelings.
• My goal is not to help them to express their anger appropriately.
• My goal is not to help them learn about new ways to express their anger.