Anger Management Workbook
Anger Busting Workbook
Page 196
After explaining the rules, ask for questions.
Do not spend more than two minutes answering questions.
1. Do not answer “why” questions.
“Why” questions are invitations for arguments.
Before the course is over, you may have a chance to
teach them that. Do not explain why you do not answer
why questions. Just don’t answer them.
Possible responses to “why”
questions:
- “Good question. I don’t
know why I have that rule. Other questions?”
- “You are right. That probably
would be more fair, but I like being unfair sometimes,
so I am going to keep the rule.”
- “The only “why” question
you will ever answer is why you do this work. Best
answer: “Easy money. I have boat payments to
make. We are both slaves of the probation department.
I need the money, and you need the letter.”
2. Agree to every negative about you.
“Yeah, you are right. I am mean and unreasonable
sometimes.”
3. Do not bend to their excuses. If they
say they cannot comply with one of the rules, like:
“There is no way I can be here on
time every week!” then very softly and politely
suggest that they check back with their probation officer.
Perhaps they can find another class that doesn’t
meet at this time. Tell them they are free to leave
now if they like…no charge for today. You will
be surprised how suddenly a lot of them can get there
by 6:00 pm.
4. Do not try to be their friend. If they
ask if you care about them: “Care about you? Why
should I care about you? I don’t even know you.”
Group Building Exercise: This game makes
it clear, without you saying it, that the members will
participate. It also shows that you are a warm and friendly
person…just inflexible about the rules and unwilling
to explain yourself in any way.
Therapist: Okay, we’re going to
start with an exercise. The way this exercise works
is the person on my left is going to say his name and
what city and state he was born in. Then the next man
will repeat the first man’s first and last name,
and the city and state he was born in, followed by his
own. The next man will repeat the first two and add
his own, etc., until it comes around to me and I have
to repeat them all…or try to, at least. Okay,
start if off.
Joe: Do I have to do this? I don’t
want to.
Therapist: (big smile) Yeah, you have
to. It’s part of the torture.
Joe: I have had enough torture. Just getting
arrested was enough torture. I mean
I wasn’t doing anything…
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