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Anger Busting Workbook
Page 20
Another
Angry Outburst
on the highway with those stupid, idiotic
drivers and fight your way back home to a house full
of unreasonable, ungrateful people it doesn't take long
for all those feelings of good will to erupt into another
angry outburst. Your wife says she doesn't
believe you are even going to counseling. Now,
that hurts.
Of course you feel bad about those outbursts
most of the time; maybe you even feel guilty. After
all, you don't get up in the morning intending to punch
a hole in the wall or call your daughter all those awful
names or shove your wife into the coffee table. Deep
down, you know that you are not that kind of a guy.
People just don't understand you; they don't listen
to you; they don't give you the space you need or the
credit you deserve. Why are they always arguing with
you and trying to get you to change? Why do they make
your life so hard, especially since you are trying to
do the best you can? It seems so unfair. And, anyhow,
most of the time you had really good excuses for blowing
up. Why don't those kids ever pick up their toys? Why
do we always end up having corny dogs and tater tots
on Thursday nights? Why does her family always want
to plan stuff on the weekends? People are always blaming
stuff on you when you are hardly ever the one who starts
it!
So now it comes down to this. She
says things have to change now or she is going to go
on with the divorce. To make matters worse, the judge
says that if you want to see your kids without supervised
visitation, you have to do something about your
anger immediately. Of course, this has made
you pretty much a wreck at work, but no one wants to
cut you any slack. They are giving you a wide berth
and encouraging you to get some help. How could it have
come to this? Your first marriage was bad, but you thought
it was just because you were both too young. You really
don't want to lose another relationship, but everything
you do just seems to make matters worse. What next?
The More You Do What You Always Did,
the More You Will Get What You Always Got
You can change right now. This isn't an
empty promise or a therapist trick to get you
to commit two more years and thousands of extra dollars
to more counseling. You can begin to make major changes
in your life right now - before you put this book down
and turn out the light for the night - but you have
to face facts first: you have a problem with rage. All
the awful words, the screaming, the pushing and shoving,
the broken relationships, the blaming, the guilt and
shame, and the excuses - lots and lots of excuses -
it all fits a pattern. Maybe you don't want to believe
it is all about you, and maybe it isn't really all about
you. But the part where you scream and curse and break
things and hurt people you love, that part is all about
you. And people who behave like this have a serious
problem. Sometimes they are called "rageaholics"
because they seem to be addicted to anger.
No matter what they try to do about it, they always
seem to come back around to another rage event.
Like most people with a rage problem,
you have tried all sorts of things in an attempt to
get your life back to normal. Unfortunately, none of
them worked, at least not for very long. But what did
you do? You kept doing them anyway, just louder, longer,
harder and faster. More apologies, more make-up presents,
even more counseling, more heart-to-heart talks, more
excuses, more explanations, followed by more outbursts.
You learned one thing: the more you do what you always
did, the more you will get what you always got! Aren't
you tired of getting what you always got?
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