Anger Management Workbook
Anger Busting Workbook
Page 34
The
Next Steps
If you are successful at implementing
these first four new behaviors, people will notice
the difference. You will be well on your way to controlling
your anger addiction. These next steps
will help you reinforce and maintain that progress.
5. Stop cursing.
This isn't a religious or a moral issue;
it is a survival issue! Cursing has been consistently
correlated with increased heart rate, blood pressure
problems, and coronary disease in medical studies over
the past 50 years. If you don't curse, you won't be
firing up that pressure cooker. Abstaining from profanity
will immediately reduce the amount of anger going
on inside of you. Saying "Gee, whiz" definitely
has a lower anger response than "&$*%%#*!"
If you have been cursing for years just out of habit,
this will take some practice, but it will also make
an immediate and noticeable difference.
6. Stop name-calling.
There is really not very much difference
between cursing and name-calling. They both are aggressive,
insulting and, most of all, they both stoke that anger
fire. So stop calling people names, and not just vile,
crude names; stop using any term that is in any way
derogatory or demeaning. Even terms like "stupid"
and "crazy" are out. And don't try to excuse
the use of such words by saying you were only teasing.
People around you don't know when you are teasing and
when you are making a dig at them. Name-calling is always
destructive. Stop it.
7. Stop Threatening.
You know what this is referring to. Does
"I'm warning you, Wanda, one of these days you
are going to push me too far" sound familiar? Subtle
or overt threats to leave or hurt are terrorizing to
your partner. They also play right into the anger rush
that makes you feel tough and in control. This
can fire up the pressure cooker in a hurry. Don't risk
it. Don't do it.
8. Stop pointing.
We usually point because we are trying
to … well, make a point. But during an argument
the point usually has something to do with threatening
or intimidating someone. It can escalate an argument
and elevate your anger level. Keep your hands in your
pockets or your lap.
9. Stop yelling, raising your voice, or
talking in a mean tone.
Tone of voice is one of the quickest ways
to communicate anger. The meaning to the other person
is unmistakable. You may claim to be simply explaining
yourself, or raising your voice just a little in order
to get her attention. But it doesn't really matter,
it is still threatening and intimidating. And it feeds
your anger cycle. Start monitoring your tone and volume,
using a scale of 0 - 10 (where zero equals silence).
Anytime you get above three, it is time to turn it down.
If you aren't sure how you are sounding, allow family
or friends to point it out. And when they do, instead
of protesting, excusing or explaining, just say, "Thanks
for pointing that out." Then turn down the volume.
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