Anger Management Workbook

Anger Busting Workbook

Page 69

Anger Management Seminar

Believe in These Principles for Peace, Happiness, and Permanent Change

Okay, we can't promise you that if you learn how to do all of the things we talk about in this workbook you will start getting lots of unsolicited, passionate kisses. But then again, your chances should certainly improve. The point is, men who rage end up wrecking their relationships, and when there is less destruction going on, there is more room for a lot of very nice things to happen. If you have made it this far, we are willing to bet that you are already finding that out for yourself.

But just because you have made it this far doesn't mean that you have reached the finish line. Now, before you start telling yourself things like, "I have stopped raging. Isn't that good enough?" try to understand this one thing: when you drain the old oil out of the crankcase, the job is only half done. Your car will run much better if you go ahead and put in oil that is new and fresh and clean. So, you have learned to stop raging. Congratulations. It is hard work and you deserve a lot of credit for hanging in there. And for some of you out there, that may really be all you need to do. But, if you want to be even more certain that you will not relapse into your old behaviors, and if you want to really boost your chances at a deeper and longer-lasting level of happiness in your life, then you are ready to take the next step.

There is an old saying in the addiction recovery movement that reminds us one major key to lasting recover is to "get a check-up from the neck up." In other words, most of our problems aren't caused by what is going on around us, they are caused by what is happening inside - inside our heads. The Book of Proverbs says it like this: As a man thinks in his heart, so he is (Proverbs 23:7 NASB). This is just a way of saying that what we believe in our minds tends to influence what we think and feel and choose. What we BELIEVE determines what we DO. Dr. Robert McGee, in his book The Search For Significance, says this another way. It isn't situations that cause our emotions; it is what we believe about a situation that causes our emotions. And it isn't any big secret that what activates our emotions usually controls our actions.

In chapter one we worked on ABSTAINING, which can produce some important changes from the outside in. But if you want to work on maintaining what you have gained, it is time to start working on what you BELIEVE and how you think. This will produce lasting changes from the inside out.

Getting Into the Spirit of Things

Most men, especially rage addicts, believe very strongly that they must be rough and tough and in control of every situation. Rage is one way to control situations by intimidating and controlling people around you. But now that you are beginning to control your angry outbursts, the next step in your growth will be to learn to replace your belief in the need to control with some beliefs that are more healthy and more helpful. This starts by believing in something that is bigger than you.

Yeah, we know. Most of you are uncomfortable talking about religion. Many times, religion refers to people using the idea of God and religious rules to control other people.