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Anger Management Workbook

Anger Busting Workbook

Page 99

Anger Management Strategy:
Please Forgive Me

You can even combine them, if needed, for serious deep doghouse conversations:

"I was completely crazy to say that. You are absolutely right; it was a very bad thing I did."

The point here is to avoid an argument at all costs, or at least stop the argument from getting any worse. It is not worth risking your marriage just for the privilege of getting in the last word.

Write these phrases on a 3x5 card and carry them in your pocket. Review them at least 3 times a day. Do this for two straight weeks.

Putting an End to Marital Tug-of-War
We have alluded to this principle previously, but let's review it one more time right here, just so there is no mistake. Tug-of-war games are fun at picnics and youth summer camps, but they are deadly for marriages. Trying to drag your spouse through the mud and over to your side only leads to rope burns, hurt feelings and broken trust. Flexing your anger muscles and flaunting your machismo during an argument with your wife is not romantic or attractive. It hurts. And it will get you into the deep doghouse. If you want to beat your addiction and protect your marriage, let go of your end of the rope any time you sense a conflict may be developing. And do it as kindly and cheerfully as you can. It takes two sides to make a tug-of-war, but only one side to end it. Don't be afraid to let go of your end of the rope. It takes a lot of courage and strength to do it. But isn't courage and strength what it takes to be a manly man in the first place? Just let it go a few times and see what happens.

Shallow Doghouse Communication
The difference between shallow doghouse communication and deep doghouse communication is that in shallow doghouse communication your wife may actually be speaking to you without yelling, attacking or threatening to leave. However, if it is still obvious that she is upset with you - cold, withdrawn, not receptive to physical contact - then you are at least still in the shallow doghouse. Now it may be time to apologize and try to make amends for the wounds you have caused. Use these phrases to start the conversation, especially if you are both clear on why she is angry with you and what you have done to hurt her:

"I am really sorry."

"It was all my fault."

"Please forgive me."

"What can I do to make it up to you?"

You can even mix some of the CBSSW phrases to emphasize your desire to take responsibility for your actions. For instance:

"Honey, I am really sorry I yelled at you in the car on the way home yesterday. It was wrong of me. I must be crazy to talk to you like that. It was all my fault. Please forgive me."