Anger Management: Overcoming Anger

Under normal circumstances, anger is a neutral emotion – it is neither good nor, bad, it just is. Anger happens automatically whenever we feel threatened by or afraid of something. Anger only creates problems when it is expressed inappropriately. Over the years, many people have been taught that when feeling angry, they should “let it out.” Sometimes this is okay, but anyone who suffers from an addiction to anger – usually referred to as a “rageaholic,” should do just the opposite. Instead of venting anger, he or she should abstain from expressing it in any way, because to do otherwise invites an anger attack that may become very destructive. Our Anger Management Classes are designed to teach rageaholics the best way to control anger and preserve their relationships. The anger management training we provide to you might save your marriage … or your life.

Certainly, some people are naturally angrier than others. They're just born grumpy. These people have a low tolerance for frustration; they can't take everyday annoyances in stride. And then there are people who like their angry side; their rage makes them feel powerful. "Men feel macho. A Saturday night doesn't feel right without a good barroom brawl," says Michael Schulman, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist who specializes in anger in New York City. "Their sense of self is connected to their ability to explode."

From mild irritation to intense rage, anger increases the heart rate and blood pressure. And worse, the effects of anger can sometimes be devastating. People who regularly feel steamed up often suffer physical problems such as stomach ulcers and heart attack. A Johns Hopkins study of more than 1,000 physicians reports that young men who quickly react to stress with anger were five times more likely than their calmer counterparts to have an early heart attack even without a family history of heart disease.

Clearly, anger can take its toll. So how do you manage such emotions? While aggression is a natural reaction to a threat, inappropriate fury can be damaging. Finding the right response is important. So is it healthier to express or suppress your feelings? Researchers are still unsure.

Some people focus on positive things rather than brood over angry thoughts. The goal is to redirect your emotions into constructive behavior.

While this can be helpful, there are some dangers in this approach. Redirection can be a form of suppression. If your anger remains a force and you keep it simmering inside, there is the possibility of serious consequences such as depression. In addition, unexpressed anger can lead to passive-aggressiveness -- indirectly putting others down, for instance.

If you are prone to internalizing anger, expressing yourself may be a better path. The key to successful expression is assertiveness, which is not to be confused with being pushy or demanding. Making your needs clear without hurting others is a healthy way to deal with anger. "What kind of relationship do you want with others?" asks Schulman. "You need to be clear with how you want to interact with people; once you're clear, you can step back and count to ten."

There are a number of ways to keep anger in check. Directing your emotions in a constructive and positive way can be learned. Here are a few strategies:

Relaxation can help ease your emotions. Try these methods:

* Deep breathing techniques, such as meditation.

* Exercises such as yoga.

* Visualizing a relaxing experience, such as walking on the beach.

* Repeating phrases such as "calm down" also helps.

Better communication:

If you are in a fiery discussion, slow down and think about what you are saying. It also helps to listen to the other person; listening will help you form a careful response. If you do this, you may even discover the underlying problem.

Humor:

Lightening up also eases hot emotions. If a person is annoying you, imagine that he isn't wearing clothes. Humor often diffuses intense confrontations.

Take a break:

Scheduling personal time is important to regain perspective. Try physical activity such as a brisk walk; writing down your thoughts; talking to a friend or listening to music.

Coping with angry feelings can be tricky, but now you know how to stay in control.

By: Lybi Ma
Minneapolis

Anger Management - Know Your Anger Triggers

Anger Management Quote
"If you don't program yourself, life will program you."
Les Brown

Suggested Reading:

Everyone's Guide to Anger Management (Everyone's Guide To...Mind, Body, Spirit Series)
by Sylvia Berrill

The Anger Trap : Free Yourself from the Frustrations that Sabotage Your Life
by Les Carter

Overcoming Anger and Irritability
by William Davies

Keeping Your Cool: The Anger Management Workbook
by Michael W. Nelson III, A. J. Finch Jr.

Anger Management (Perspectives on Mental Health)
by Judith Peacock

More Hot Stuff to Help Kids Chill Out: The Anger and Stress Management Book
by Jerry, Ph.D. Wilde

Real Solution Anger Management Workbook
by Richard H. Pfeiffer, Richard Pfeiffer

Keeping Your Cool, Part 2: Additional Sessions for the Anger Management Workbook
by Michael W. Nelson III, A. J. Finch Jr.

Breaking Down the Wall of Anger: Interactive Games and Activities
by Esther Williams

Anger Management: A Practical Guide
by Adrian Faupel