Most anger addicts are unwilling to face the true depth of their problem. In the parlance of the recovery movement, they live in the middle of a river in Egypt called “De-Nial.” Their tendency to blame others for their outbursts and to minimize the seriousness of the damage they are causing makes it difficult to motivate them to work for lasting change. The goal of our Anger Management Classes and Two-Day Anger Program is to totally immerse participants in every aspect of the Anger Buster program so that they may confront denial, accept responsibility for controlling their anger, become fully fluent in the Anger Buster concepts, and gain intensive hands-on experience in applying these concepts in their own lives.
Anger addicts can change, given the proper motivation, tools and strategies. This Anger Program provides a step-by-step process that will help them to control their anger and begin to change their anger patterns.
OBJECTIVES
Using the Anger Buster ABCs of anger control (Abstain, Believe, Communicate), participants will:
- Be challenged to get out of “De-Nial” River by using two anger assessment tools to uncover their own blind spots.
- Be introduced to the Fight or Flight model for understanding the way anger works, and compare that to the model of the Anger Pressure Cooker.
- Be presented with a list of 16 angry behaviors to abstain from, in order to turn down the fire under their anger pressure cooker. Working through a detailed analysis of recent anger events, participants will review, re-script and role play numerous events in order to fully master Anger Buster principles and skills that can help them avoid banned behaviors in the future.
- Be encouraged to embrace a belief system that values 20 important attitudes and values, thus disabling some of their anger triggers. After gaining a basic understanding of the difference between religion and spirituality, participants will review, re-script and role play several recent anger episodes in order to master Anger Buster principles and skills that can help them respond to stressful situations, using beliefs and attitudes that are safer and more constructive.
- Be guided toward a new way of communicating that emphasizes winning against anger by learning how to “lose,” when conflicts arise as a result of inappropriate expressions of anger. Participants will practice using specific phrases in a wide range of typical anger scenarios to gain experience in expressing themselves in ways that are safer and more helpful.
- Design a recovery plan to continue working on their anger following completion of the Program, and make a formal commitment to diligently work on this plan for the next 90 days.
CONTENT OUTLINE
- Program Introduction – What Is Anger?
- Swimming in “De-Nial”
- Disposing of excuses
- The Johari Window
- Bullying and Scapegoating
- Telltale signs of rageaholism
- Anger Assessment Survey
- Why
expressing anger is bad for anger addicts
- The Fight or Flight Syndrome
- The Anger Pressure Cooker
- The more you do what you always did …
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Abstain from these behaviors
- 16 behaviors to stop doing immediately and why
- Conduct a personal evaluation to identify the things that make you mad and compare that to the behaviors you exhibit when you are angry.
- Identify the five “banned behaviors” you exhibit most often.
- Review all rage events that have taken place in the previous two months, searching for clues that would warn of approaching trouble, and identifying banned behaviors involved.
- Rewrite all of those scenarios, using Anger Buster principles to script a different outcome
- Role play new scripts for each event to practice new skills
- Write three scripts for potential anger events, designing safer responses based on Anger Buster principles. Discuss choices and role-play outcomes.
- Homework: Share questionnaires and progress chart with spouse to gain additional feedback for next day’s session
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Believe in these principles for peace, happiness and
permanent change
- 20 principles that will help anger addicts to change the way they view the world, themselves and those around them.
- Explore the differences between religion and spirituality.
- Review the way in which our assumptions and beliefs influence emotions and actions.
- Using a self-evaluation tool, identify five principles from the list of 20 that you need to apply most often.
- Examine three recent anger episodes that might have been avoided if you had been practicing each of these values, identifying underlying beliefs that hindered constructive, safe choices.
- After identifying the underlying negative beliefs and attitudes that contributed to the problem, rewrite and role-play the script in a way that reflects the use of appropriate attitudes and beliefs selected from the list of 20.
- Design and discuss three scenarios in which you might have an opportunity to respond with actions based on the five attitudes or beliefs you need to work on most. Chose one to role-play as a way of practicing these new attitudes.
- Explore opportunities to practice forgiveness in present and past relationships
- Assess the balance between work, leisure and spirituality in your life
- Homework: Share pertinent worksheets and questionnaires with spouse to gain additional insights and feedback for next day’s session.
- Communicate
using these phrases to avoid creating an anger crisis
- The principles of deep doghouse communication and shallow doghouse communication – 21 phrases that can help get you out of the doghouse
- How to recognize which house you are in, and which phrases to use depending on what house you are in.
- Learning to lose as the first step in winning against anger
- Break into groups to practice using the CBSSW phrases in scenarios designed by group members
- Play “psychological ping-pong” with group members to train yourself in agreeing instead of arguing
- List complaints your spouse typically makes about you, and write responses expressing agreement. Role-play with group
- How to avoid the wrong way of apologizing
- Examine two recent arguments to identify what you said and did to end up in the deep doghouse, then rewrite the script using approved phrases that might have kept you out of the doghouse and avoided an argument
- Review all arguments or events that still require an apology and design appropriate responses using shallow doghouse principles. Role-play some apologies and plan time and place for presenting them to spouse
- Practice “mirroring” – the art of listening before answering, as a way of improving effectiveness of communication with spouse and others
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Road To Recovery
- Learning the art of appealing to spouse, boss and others instead of arguing
- Create a 90-day plan for working on anger
- Formal commitment to follow that plan with an accountability partner