Anger Management, Emotional Intelligence and How to Become Calm

Anger management is one of the hallmarks of strong Emotional Intelligence or EQ. In Daniel Goleman's book Emotional Intelligence, he addresses being able to handle one's anger management classes as a sign of high EQ. We know, from physiology, that within less than seconds of becoming angry our brain and body are flooded with internal chemical changes. When this occurs, we operate from our brain stem. Our brain stem is the most primitive portion of our brain. It's responsible for the fight or flight response and our autonomic nervous system (breathing, heart rate, body temperature etc.). When we are in this mode, we bypass our rational portion of the brain. This spells trouble because the neo-cortex is our thinking, rational portion of our brain.

I'm sure you've noticed that when you are really angry, you can't think clearly. Again, the reason for that is that you are not using your logical, rational portion of your anger management classes. It takes a minimum of about 20 minutes for your brain chemicals to go back to normal and to think clearly again.

It's time to take a look at your situation with anger management classes. Answer the following questions. Take an honest look, don't sugar coat how you handle anger. Even if you are not angry often, please read some of the strategies that follow these questions. The strategies can help in all of our relationships.

When was the last time you were really angry? What was the situation that created your feelings of anger?
How frequently do you feel angry?
Do you have a short or long fuse?
Do you frequently become verbally abusive when you're angry? Do you call the person demeaning names, cuss at them, call them stupid, fat, lazy or use racial slurs?
Have you ever become violent when you're angry? "Just once" is still too often. Violence includes: slapping, hitting, throwing things, hurting animals, punching walls or destroying property. List any violent anger management classes you've done and who they were against.
Are people afraid of you when you're angry?
Do you need to learn to express your anger in more productive ways?
Do you need to control your anger? Is anger/rage destroying your relationships?

WARNING SIGNS THAT SIGNAL YOUR NEED FOR PROFESSIONAL HELP:

There are warning signs that your rage is getting out of hand and you need professional help. If you are violent, verbally abusive and anger is destroying your relationships it will take some massive action on your part to stop this cycle. You need to call your local counseling center or social service agency and ask to participate in anger management classes. It is NOT OK to continue this way.
The price others have paid to be around you is far too high. The price you will pay, if you insist on continuing will be high also. Stop reading this now. Go to your phone with your phone book, look in the yellow pages under Counseling and call now. You can look for counseling centers that are United Way funded or connected with your local university. These centers offer free or low cost anger management classes. You can also contact your child's school counselor and they will be able to give you local resources. Continue to call until you reach a service that will help you. No excuses. Just do it.

NORMAL ANGER: HOW TO MANAGE ANGER, IMPROVE YOUR EQ AND NURTURE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

Most people can use several more strategies in how to handle their anger. Even if you are not frequently an angry person these steps can be helpful in deepening your relationships. If you are an angry person, then these anger management classes will be essential to help you with handling your anger more productively. (Again, if you have been violent you will need to work with a counselor or psychologist to develop long lasting strategies).

1. Stop arguing. When you continue to argue, you DON'T LISTEN and it just feeds the anger cycle.

2. Set some "good fight" rules.