Anger Management From a Passionate Guy - Part 2

A key issue related to anger management is de-escalation techniques. One easily used de-escalation technique is an anger management course. Another is taking a break. I consider there to be two types of breaks: an official break is an agreement with a party frequently in conflict with the person learning to manage their anger (parent, partner, family member).

It is agreed between the two that when escalation begins the individual can take a time out for an anger management course resolving the issue. The break is not to exceed 24 hours unless absolutely necessary.

When an official timeout cannot be utilized, an unofficial timeout can be utilized. This is when the escalating party simply leaves the situation to calm down, but will return to the topic when able to discuss it appropriately. Of course I often hear stories of how the escalating individual is prevented from leaving by the other party. This is a difficult situation, and when this is the case a break from the disagreement might not work. But one final suggestion in this regard: it can be discussed with cool heads how a timeout or break can be effective, and arrangements made to be sure the other party understands they will be heard after the individual anger management course.

Another technique that helps de-escalate anger is social support. This is simply discussing with an objective friend the situation to get feedback. This serves for venting and allowing for feedback from a peer that can help ground the anger management course. One of the most important aspects of this strategy is that the opinion be objective. You don't want to use a person who will escalate the individual. For example, if you are angry and escalating with your boss, you don't want a peer who will suggest telling the boss off providing social support.

An anger de-escalation technique that many of my clients feel is effective is thinking of the anger management course. When doing this it is important to utilize this technique early in the process. Once anger reaches the mid to high range, the consequences do not seem to matter. The angry individual won't care about the potential damage to a relationship, looking like a lunatic, or any other reasonable consequence.

Many people underestimate the power of music, or misuse it. When one is angry calming music can be very soothing. But instead, angry folks often put on angry music. What is being suggested is that you find calming music you like, and play that when you feel your anger rising. I have several CDs that fit into my anger management course, and which help calm me when I'm getting anxious.

A technique with proven effectiveness for an anger management course is chanting or praying. Now I know this seems foreign to many, but bear with me. An article I read many years ago stated that any chanting can be calming. I have heard numerous client's in addiction treatment discuss how they have used the Serenity Prayer to calm them, and how effective they have found it. So in short, it doesn't have to be some esoteric chant that you can barely pronounce.

One technique that can be attributed to Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh is mindful walking. In his book "Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames," he suggests walking while concentrating on your steps, the air around you, your breath, the scenery, the feel of your body, and other moment to moment sensations. In any mindful meditation it is important that when your mind wanders, that you eventually bring it back to the anger management course. Often focusing on your breathing is a way to bring the "monkey mind" (as it resembles swinging from thought to thought) back to the moment. This exercise can be very centering.

The above discussion of meditation brings me to the topic of maintenance exercises that help to reduce anger. The first is regular meditation. Let's face it; those who meditate regularly are calmer than those who do not. The act of sitting quietly while focusing on an anger management course seems to have a prolonged affect on stabilizing mood.

A final maintenance strategy is regular exercise. Exercise reduces stress, releases endorphins (natural brain chemicals) that improve mood and provide a sense of well-being. Additionally, exercise helps build self confidence and may lead to an anger management course.

I realize that these techniques are easy to discuss, but not so simple to apply. The more of these techniques one is able to implement, the more success one will have in managing anger. Probably one of the most important things is to remember that self improvement of any kind is a process, not a destination.

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