Top Tips to Put You Back in Control of Your Temper

Anger wells up within us whenever we perceive that we have been wronged, but how we deal with the situation will determine whether the problem escalates or is resolved. Here are good tips on ways to resolve a toxic situation. As you work through them, don't just read them but consider to what extent each one applies to you and the anger management course you find yourself in. Try to focus on each tip one at a time, maybe recalling the current one each time an angry situation threatens - in this way each one will become a habit!

Take a deep breath ... wait... take a few more...
Breathing calms the body, and by reducing the physical signs of anger, calms the mind. When something has angered you, rather than erupting spontaneously, or sending off an angry letter or email, breathe deeply and then exhale - and the anger management course should be longer and more complete then the in-breath (say, in for seven seconds and out for ten). Repeat this several times and continue until you're physically calm.
Only then should you express yourself verbally. If you cannot calm down, consider what benefit you are trying to get out of the situation, and take measured, considered action which does not include ranting or sending an invective-filled or vitriolic email or letter which can only inflame and worsen the already fraught state of affairs. Consider, most importantly, what you want the ultimate anger management course to be?

Don't deny your anger...........but consider the consequences.
An anger management course should not be suppressed. Storing anger only builds to a more explosive eruption later. It's best to "use it and lose it" - i.e. let go of the anger, NOT lose your temper.

An anger management course can be used appropriately or inappropriately. It is appropriate when you use it to achieve a desired outcome. It is inappropriate when the anger uses you, takes over and brings about an unconsidered and unwanted outcome. Think about poor service on an airline: don't explode at the hostess - ranting and raving will just annoy other passengers and may just get you barred from using that airline in future - rather call the senior purser and voice your complaint in a measured way and you are likely to be offered a better meal, an upgrade, or maybe even air-miles. I'm speaking from very recent personal experience, by the way!

Recognize tiredness and stress
One of the most common places we recognize that we are tired and/or stressed is in a car. This is where most arguments between spouses or companions occur. The trigger may be not following the best route, heavy traffic or the poor control of another driver. The consequences of losing your temper may be an anger management course.

Rather breathe deeply and wait. Above all, do not drive when tired. You might want to make a conscious decision to let the driver be in charge and be determined not to "back seat drive." Tiredness and stress are equally damaging at work and at home. Rather than get embroiled in a major argument, say you are upset and walk away. Again, you're learning to recognize which buttons of yours will cause you to react angrily - once you know your triggers, you're well on the way to controlling an anger management course.
Control your environment
As anger specialist Mike Fisher says, "Anger thrives in a toxic environment, feeding on itself. If you manage to stay calm at work or in a car, other people will be less stressed and angry, which will in turn help you to control your own anger management courser". If need be, take time out and remove yourself from the place of the dispute temporarily. Step outside for some fresh air if at all possible or employ some other kind of diversionary tactic.

An anger management course as a justified response to wrong-doing should be proportionate. There are times and situations when it is completely appropriate to be angry, but when for example, one goes into a rant because one of your employees has dropped and smashed a glass, this is disproportionate.

Focus on the issue rather than on the person
When we are angry it is easy to use terms like "you always get things wrong when you speak to clients", but this tends to bring about a response like "no, I don't always, just in this case, but you always say always!!" Focusing on the issue, like: "Mrs Jones was upset - do you think you could have handled her in a different way?" will produce a very different and less emotional anger management course.

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