Anger Management In Stressful Situations - A Torah Perspective

The Talmud states, "Anyone who gets angry, it's as if he worships idolatry."

A strange correlation.
Were the Talmud to teach, "Anyone who gets angry, it's as if he destroys an entire home," I would nod in understanding. Even "Anyone who obsesses over his money, it's as if he worships idolatry," makes sense. But, anger and idolatry? What's the connection?

The following scenario may shed some light on the Talmud's seemingly enigmatic statement:
Your anniversary is coming up and you decide to surprise your wife with tickets to a Broadway show followed by dinner in a fancy restaurant in the city. You have everything planned to the "T"! You even convince your sister-in-law, Lisa, to babysit. (Lisa tends to grate on you and can sometimes get you very angry. But, you're desperate and you really want this evening to be perfect!) The big night finally arrives and everything is set. You and your wife manage to slip out on time despite some very vociferous kid-launched protests. (They aren't particularly fond of Lisa either...) Its six o'clock and you live a half hour from the city. Showtime is at eight -- more than enough time to make it to Midtown and perhaps even do some window shopping together... alone! You flash your wife a smile as you turn on the highway, secretly congratulating yourself on an evening perfectly executed. You are in control. You enter the Battery Tunnel, all the while enjoying your wife's consternation at being unable to guess which show you've chosen. And then...you hit traffic. No problem. This evening is about enjoying each other. Who cares if some of it is spent in a car, right? Fifteen minutes pass and there is no movement -- not an inch.
This kind of situation can sometimes lead to a display of anger which results in court ordered anger management.

You start to sweat a little but you're still confident that this traffic jam can't last too much longer. Another fifteen minutes pass and you are still smack in the middle of the Battery Tunnel. Mildly irritated, you turn on the radio for the traffic report. "And to the folks stuck on the Battery, I hope that y'all are comfortable. There's been a five car accident at the entrance of the tunnel on the Manhattan bound side. It's going to take at least 2 hours to get this thing cleared up.

This kind of situation can sometimes lead to a display of anger which results in court ordered anger management.

Here's a little music to lighten your (click)." Your hand instinctively goes for the horn. Then, as your anxiety is mounting, you turn backwards, furious that those imbecile drivers behind you aren't attempting to exit the tunnel from the entrance. That's what anyone with any measure of intelligence would have done. That's what you would have done. So, thanks to some accident (probably careless drivers!) and some dimwits, you're stuck...and boy are you angry! Hello! Don't you all know who I am? Don't you realize that I have somewhere to be?

This kind of situation can sometimes lead to a display of anger which results in court ordered anger management.

Evaluating this scenario objectively, most would probably agree that anger is not the appropriate response here. It's certainly not the most productive response. Even so, many people can likely relate to the anxiety and mounting frustration of the "you" in the story.

The question is -- Where is this feeling coming from? What is the root of this reaction?
The Answer: It comes from the way that you perceive yourself. You are the man in charge. When you make plans, you expect the ensuing results to be satisfactory. Now, if you're the one who runs the show and things are not going the way you planned, you are not happy, not happy at all.

"Anyone who gets angry, it's as if he worships idolatry." The Talmud teaches that when you get angry, you are effectively saying that you, and not G-d, are in control of everything that happens in your life.

This kind of situation can sometimes lead to a display of anger which results in court ordered anger management.

Here is where you can do a paradigm shift. If you are a believer in G-d then you know that He controls everything that happens in this entire world, down to the most minute detail. He controls when you hit traffic and controls when you make every green light. A believer in G-d also knows that G-d knows what He's doing. By relinquishing your "control" to the One who is really in control, you free yourself from the anger that previously bound you. A situation that was once anxiety provoking is now just another friendly reminder that "someone else" is in charge.
This kind of situation can sometimes lead to a display of anger which results in court ordered anger management.

You thought you were supposed to be at a Broadway show tonight. Apparently, He had other plans. Sometimes you will see His divine providence clearly. (There were many people who were very upset when they missed their 8:00 trains to the World Trade Center on the morning of September 11th, 2001.) Other times, you'll be left guessing. Either way, you can sit back and enjoy the ride because The Conductor knows the route well -- perhaps even better than you do.
This kind of situation can sometimes lead to a display of anger which results in court ordered anger management.

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