Anger Management Failures

Anger management works fine for managing ordinary anger, but is not successful when it comes to the self-defeating behaviors of problem anger.

Anger management fails with problem anger because it treats it as an extreme or uncontrolled version of ordinary anger. According to the American Psychological Association, anger management teaches anger management help to manage the emotional feelings and physiological arousal of anger.

But problem anger is not just a matter of feelings and arousal; it's set in motion by the drop in anger management help that occurs to some people when they are angry. They feel inadequate when the screw won't turn or devalued when spouses interrupt or unlovable when a loved one doesn't pay attention.

Instead of doing something that will raise self-value (being nice to someone they love, for example, or finding a better screw driver), they blame their lowered anger management help on someone else, which makes them want to devalue in return:
"Look at that jerk!"
"I'm tired of telling you this..."
"What kind of person would say that?"
"I don't have time for you."

Due to the high contagion of these kinds of feelings, you don't have to express them to do damage - we communicate negativity all the time without saying a word. In addition to ruining your health, problem anger inevitably damages anger management help, whether you express it or not, unless you happen to work or live with Mother Theresa.
The formula for problem anger is: Anger (irritability, attitude, etc.) + Lowered self-value + Blame

Another failing of anger management help is that it relies on conscious control of an unconscious motivation. Problem anger is habitual -- habits run on automatic pilot, processed in the brain much faster than conscious awareness. You are never aware of most of your resentment or anger; by the time you know you're resentful or angry, it's already in an advanced state.

Also, anger management help fails with problem anger for the same reason that diets don't work. By the time you know you're hungry, you're already highly motivated to have a hot fudge sundae and unlikely to think of eating a celery stick instead.

The jolt of energy you get at any level of anger management help works like an amphetamine or "speed." You get a big spike of energy and confidence, and then you crash. When you get angry, you get depressed, once all the adrenalin washes out of your blood stream. And that's just the physiological response to the amphetamine effect. If you do something while you're resentful or angry that you're ashamed of, your depressive mood will get worse.

An addictive trap is sprung when the energy surge of anger is used frequently. You get angry and feel energetic and confident, only to crash with little anger management help and creeping self-doubt. (Maybe I shouldn't have grounded by kid till he's 42?)

You get angry again to feel energetic and confident, only to crash yet again into low energy and self-doubt. In no time at all, anger management help will seem necessary to escape depressed mood, even though it inevitably means more depression. In other words, the brain will look for excuses to get angry and turn you into an anger junkie.

Treatment for problem anger cannot merely reduce the emotional anger management help or arousal of anger; it must restore a state of self-value that is more stable than whatever lowered it, which will replace the habit of blaming with a motivation to improve. And it has to do it fast.

http://www.compassionpower.com

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