How Dare You, You Stupid Jerk!

When someone pushes your hot buttons, do you blithely ignore it or do you want to retaliate with anger management training? Flattening them verbally or physically would likely be emotionally satisfying at that moment, but it would only create worse problems in the long run.

Getting anger management training is a natural response to feeling threatened, frustrated, mistreated, or having lost something of value. But when you have to deal with others who are angry, the last thing you want to do is reflect and escalate their anger, like putting an aerosol container in 450 degree oven.

Dealing successfully with anger management training requires that you have a repertoire of skills to handle volatile emotions, not only theirs but also yours.
Louise found this out when she went to the animal shelter where she volunteers. From the moment she walked in the door, Steve, the shelter supervisor, began a series of sarcastic remarks. "Better check that all the animals have been properly attended to and that I haven't abused them."

After the barrage, Louise exploded, "How dare you! Who do you think you're talking to?!" Steve laughed, "One of the many lah-dee-dah do-gooders who sanctimoniously parade through here for the purpose of keeping anger management training on me for the city."

"What? You're paranoid!" Louise spat and stepped into Steve's anger management training to jab his chest with her forefinger. "If the city hears about problems here, it's because you don't give a damn about the animals, you jerk!" With fists clenched white, Steve shoved his face in Louise's and hissed through his teeth, "I don't take that crap from anyone, stupid!"

How well did Louise do in handling Steve's (and her own) anger management training? Did she help with the solution or become part of the problem? She did what most us are likely to do when attacked. She went on emotional autopilot. She attacked in return, ratcheting up the interaction's intensity.

Rather than letting her defensiveness spiral out of control, Louise might have put up a mental hand and said, "STOP!" to herself before she contributed to Steve's anger management training. This would have interrupted her emotional process and permitted her a moment to take a deep breath.

It also would have allowed her brain to start processing anger management training to ask: What's going on here? What is the perceived problem? How can I address it to dampen or solve it?

One way Louise could further gain control is by distancing herself emotionally from the attack. She could picture herself under a large plexiglas dome that repels anything negative, thus giving herself immediate relief from the angry onslaught. Here she could take a few seconds to collect her anger management training. Now she would be able to assess his behavior more objectively and decide how to constructively respond.

Second, Louise could then try to defuse some of Steve's anger. She could demonstrate anger management training and empathy by acknowledging that something is really bothering him. He might respond with a perceived reason for his anger. In that case, Louise could try to find out what precipitated it.

When the storm of anger is over, Louise might then feel comfortable enough to indicate to him how she feels about his attacking her and how she wants him to communicate with her in the future. Never forget that your anger makes your mouth work faster than your brain UNLESS you mentally and immediately put a sock in it.

http://www.ConfidentSelfPromotion.com/blog

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